Self Talk and Moun
Walking is meditation and especially long walks without headphones. And it just becomes better if there is no one else walking beside you wanting to talk to you or expecting you to talk and that adds a different flavour to this meditation.
As I was walking silently this morning, thoughts kept rushing in and out like the wind enjoying itself rustling through the leaves of a thick bush. Flowing in from one side and out the other. But thoughts are not always like the wind. Some of them have a nasty habit of just clinging to some branch or a neuron and start a new string of thoughts. And slowly it converts to a story which the mind tells itself and one is dragged away like a log in a torrent of a river. This brought me to the point where I thought of the flavour I have been wanting to taste, that of MOUN or silence.
🌿 Understanding Moun - "Moun", I realised isn’t merely silence of speech; it’s stillness of noise, both outer and inner. There are three layers of Moun, which I read about:
1. Vachik Moun – Silence of speech (not talking)
2. Manasik Moun – Silence of mind (not reacting)
3. Indriya Moun – Silence of senses (limiting stimulation)
While silence of speech for some time is possible while walking alone but Manasik Moon seems impossible. Of course, I have not even thought of silence of my senses. You can stop talking to others easily, but self-talk — that restless inner chatter is the hardest silence to master. Why does my mind chatter so much? How do I quieten my mind?
Understanding What Self-Talk Really Is - It’s the mind’s way of narrating what’s happening, defending itself, replaying or rehearsing things it has heard or imagines or simply filling the silence it finds uncomfortable. Self-talk by itself isn’t wrong, it’s just overdone. My question to myself was that if I was to practice Moun even for some time, is it enough to physically stop talking or is it important that self-talk also reduces if not stopped altogether?
And that is when the problem compounded. To check about self-talk, you have to self-talk with the mind again 😁😁. This time I let it flow. I looked at the intent behind my wanting to talk to myself. Is it because of curiosity, a wish to see or understand or was it a movement of restlessness, a need to fill the pause? I found that it was an just reflection. I was aware that I was having a dialogue with myself. But I also remember so many instances when something else fuelled my self-talk, the mind’s fear of being alone with its own silence. A restlessness which felt a bit urgent, almost itchy.
This flip flop continued with curiosity and restlessness fighting. My restlessness to know an answer NOW forced me to turn towards my mind in curiosity. The tipping point where inquiry turns into impulse. As I thought about it more I understood that my mind had not yet learned to wait with the question. It wanted the comfort of immediate resolution more than being absorbed in reflection.
It then suddenly dawned on me that this was true in my outer conversations also. I wanted to talk more than hear, I could not pause, think and respond. So many times I have said Yes to things that I did NOT want to do. Provide answers to myself NOW instead of pausing to listen to the question.
Now that I had figured out the problem, I let my mind work out its own solution. A few things which struck my mind are:-
1. Catching myself drifting with my mind’s story and halting the progress by saying to myself “Stop flowing”. The instant this awareness emerges, the flow stops.
2. Instead of narrating my experience in my head to myself, I found feeling the experience itself moves one out of the mind game. Instead of saying “I am walking fast”, the moment I started noticing the rhythm of my steps, the chatter stopped.
3. Using my sensory awareness as anchors, like hearing distant, middle, and near sounds deliberately, feeling the wind on my skin etc occupied my mind without requiring thought.
4. The mind has a natural habit of speaking, that’s okay. The act of fighting with it was still self-talk in disguise. So I instead of fighting it, I let thoughts come, saw them for what they are and then allowed them to leave without attaching myself to those thoughts. And slowly, the gap between thoughts started widening.
I did not need to shut the self-talk up, I just started seeing it clearly. Once observed without reaction, it slowed down on its own. And while doing all this, I suddenly realised that the gaps became wider and that was truly Moun. No talking to anyone, not checking my mobile for messages, no headphones listening to music and in this state, silence became effortless.
Self Understanding
I found in today’s walk, the key to reducing self-talk and move towards Moun was awareness. Before we can find silence inside, the mind first needs a mirror. A dialogue with the mind itself provided the answer. Understanding that it was the mind’s chatter seeking company cleared this doubt in the head. By replacing self-talk with self-sensing and by not trying to stop my thoughts but by just stopping talking to them, I found my answer. The external dialogue naturally fades and Moun, the inner silence began.
Have you felt anything like this? If yes, do share your thoughts, how you got over this fight with mind chatter.
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