The BHRAMAM Chronicles: Why Driving in Bangalore is a Spiritual Practice – Part 1

A short Monday morning ride to drop off my pet for grooming turned into an unexpected lesson in Vedanta. My mind zoned out — or should I say, tuned in — to the profound abstractness of Bangalore traffic. Driving in this city belongs on the same pedestal as Venkateshwara Suprabhatham, Hanuman Chalisa, Aditya Hrudayam, and Vishnu Sahasranamam. Like those, it demands years of devoted repetition until it becomes second nature. It sharpens focus, cultivates detachment, and builds unshakable patience. In short, it’s the path to inner peace impacting one’s mind, body and soul as mentioned in the epic written by SriSriSrinivasananda named B.H.R.A.M.A.M. — Bangalore’s Hilarious Road Anecdotes – Managed by Adjust Maadi. (BHRAMAM in Sanskrit for the uninitiated means Delusion, illusion, or confusion - the false perception of reality. Bhramam is what happens when your mind plays tricks on you.)

In one’s spiritual journey, one achieves various levels or stages of peace, bliss or salvation by sustained study of countless verses of deep and abstract subjects. However, if you want to achieve Nirvana while alive - then drive. And only in Namma Bengaluru. It is also important that one learns to tackle the core of this practice through unstinted yogic efforts, deep meditation and by facing the various life challenges that is thrown at you, which have been enumerated in B.H.R.A.M.A.M. 

Bhakti Yoga (Devotion)

First of all, one must go through severe penance in the roads through Bhakti Yoga. You would initially face The Tree turned Temple. That humble roadside peepal dressed in turmeric and garlands and not to forget wrapped in a new saree which my domestic help would have happily worn. It starts small. Then someone discards a clay statue of Ganeshji in the middle of the night (because the tusk broke and you can’t throw God into a dustbin, right?). So leave him to meditate under the tree. Overnight it has become a religious site. You would see morning walkers and delivery boys slowing down and completing the formality of touching their chest, lips and head and seeking blessings. Then very soon, it’s a full-fledged temple. All old photo frames of all known deities, discarded from various houses nearby, arrive to guard the spot like Z-category security to a politician. Now it is forever untouchable. Road widening? Sorry, please go around it, preferably clockwise. This divine intervention becomes the cause of the next roadblock.

Karma Yoga (Action)

One can also attain salvation by following by Karma Yoga, doing one’s duty (or not done) by others. Dug-up roads – just before monsoon. Of course, our local authorities follow a cosmic calendar and have a golden rule of civic planning: Dig now, drown later. They believe that there is always a fight of good over evil. Humans versus Gods. We are always on the offensive and the Gods have to be on the defensive especially rain gods who need trenches to protect themselves. And if this is not enough, all new independent houses have to complete construction in time so that the rain gods shower their choicest blessings and other people on the road, their choicest expletives at them. Days of animal sacrifices is over, just sacrifice the road opposite. Dig across the road. Cable, pipe, and a broken road packaged with slush included. 

And it is not that the Public Amenities department is to be left far behind. Rain or shine, they deliver one thing consistently — potholes. Water pipelines come up when water comes down - from the skies. These are pipes that suck water not deliver it. The dug portion is filled now – not with soil but with water. But remember, there is no water inside the pipeline. For that you need Water Tankers and move to the next level - Gyana Yoga. 

Gyana Yoga (Knowledge)

You will wonder what has all this to do with achieving Zen status by driving in Bangalore. Here comes the reason. All that you have read till now only takes me from my Main Gate to the first turning into the first cross of the 2nd Main. That is when my regular prayers start when I spot the first one of them and Gyana Yoga (True Knowledge) begins.

The Tankers – The original battle tanks -  They are part water carriers, part Mad Max warriors. They are fitted with multiple coloured LED lights along with the headlights but have Zero rear-view mirrors. Every part of their chassis and structure makes noise except the horn. On the bumpy 1st Cross, approach them with caution and overtake at your own risk. 

Nature has its own way to look after the living beings. It has helped chameleons, zebras and fishes with adaptations to save themselves from predators. But the Camouflaged Cows, they have learnt it experientially - by blending with the road like sacred speed bumps. The black beasts rest in total peace (RITP) on a black freshly tarred, newly-potholed tarmac in the darkest shadows under Metro stations and the apex predator - that is Me, the human being would nearly RIP, if not for my super fast reflexes. 

Bangalore traffic will achieve Moksha only when these Moo-dy four-legged Sutras pouring Go-Mutras get Moo-ving off the roads. 

Not that we need any more speed breakers in Bangalore, when there is some semblance of tar laid around the infinite and eternal potholes. However, one would find Speedbreakers at Signals. Stopping at red lights every 50 metres is already jarring enough but this innovative idea of miniature Nandi Hills especially at signals when you are trying to catch the Green while lights are turning Yellow is a sure way to get a free vertebrae adjustment.

Talking of swerving and reflexes. This is the time to move to the next chapter of this definitive work. Meet the Auto Dodger. These are the three-wheeled champions who possess snake-like skills. They swerve and weave around other autos which halt without reason, anywhere, anytime - like a train at Bangalore Cantonment station. Of course, all of us would have experienced the Flyover Philosopher enroute the airport. The one who stops on the flyover to check Google Maps, make a call, or simply stare at the twin towers near Hebbal like a tourist in Kuala Lumpur would. Transcendental thoughts on the elevated freeway but zero situational awareness. And let us not forget the Rain-Dancers. When it drizzles, pedestrians jump over potholes like Kathak artists, two-wheelers sway like ballerinas, and umbrellas swish side to side like a Bharatanatyam dancers’ hand in full flow. Everyone on the road is suddenly part of a synchronized flash mob.

People have a nasty habit of talking ill of Bangalore traffic and the pedestrians like we speak about Shadripu in Vedanta. That is totally wrong. One of the most skilled two wheeler riders in the world can be found here. Let’s talk about the Tilted Head Biker. Imagine the level of multi-tasking and sensory awareness he has. The classic signature posture with the neck at 45°, one ear permanently glued to the phone, with a cigarette in his lips and the helmet strung to protect the left elbow from any injury in case of a fall and a child on the fuel tank and two hanging on to their school bags and their lives in the rear seat. The kids learn right from their childhood this Balance or Life balance. Work - Life balance comes later. 

The only one who can beat the Tilted Head Biker is the Wrong Side Rider. They feel life is short so why waste it by going the long right way. “Shortcut” is their religion. Traffic flow is for lesser mortals. With headlights on and gesticulating wildly if you ride close to them, they feel they have the Right of the Wrong Way. Some who have attained enlightenment, will make a shrinking smiling face at you, pinch their thumb, index finger and middle finger together, and say “Kindly - Adjust Maadi.” Meeting such souls is rare and one generally lets them pass on their way to Moksha.

 

Thus ends the first leg of your journey through the sacred text of B.H.R.A.M.A.M. We have crossed potholes through Bhakti, dived into the trenches of Karma, and barely survived thanks to the enlightenment of Gyana. But the path to vehicular nirvana has more trials.

Coming up in Part 2: The Landing Eagle, the Footpath Formula Racer, the Flashing Headlight Maharaja, and more avatars of the Adjust Maadi Pothole-opolis

Stay tuned. Keep looking behind. The Baaju Vajra is closer than it looks. And remember — do honk a little. Let the avatars know that you exist.  

 Go to -------->>> BHRAMAM PART 2

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