When the Gods Worked From Home — Notes from a Celestial Lockdown

 

When the Gods Worked From Home — Notes from a Celestial Lockdown

Generally disclaimers are placed at the end but I have decided to turn it on its head. Here is mine - 

Disclaimer 

1. This is not a religious post.
2. This post is not being published to hurt anyone’s religious sentiments
3. This is not written to make fun of any Hindu deity or belief or temple.
4. This is my own imagination running riot during the throes of COVID across the country.
5. For believers and non-believers, for those who have faith in God or any Power - or not - this is just a humorous post and should be taken as such.

This was during the lockdown period in June 2020. With not many vehicles or people on the road, I could casually look around the beauty of the city I live in. And at that time, I passed by various places of worship while driving to my parents’ house. There were no flower sellers, no devotees, just some strays sleeping peacefully outside the locked doors in the shade. I wondered what the Lord of the Temple must be doing inside.

Even after I reached home, the thoughts were still in the back of my mind. I managed what people call a Power Nap in the afternoon and what I know as a full fledged dream filled sleep. And did I dream?

All the Gods had gathered for Congregation of Heavenly Authorities in Tranquil Devaloka, Chat-D for short, at Gagana Sabha, the largest hall available there, jostling for place. 33000 crores is not a small number but they found their place. Groups had formed depending on the places they came from, the size of the abodes in their home town, even their celestial transport - their Vahanas were with them. 

Nandi was having a chat with Krauncha or Mushaka, Ganesha’s vehicle. “How do you manage, Nandi, just sitting outside the sanctum sanctorum - day in, day out? Boring duty you have, bro.” A peacock came fluttering in and from its back descended the smart and agile Kartikeya, with the ease of a college kid jumping off a running bus. He did a Hi Five with his brother Ganesha and smiled around proudly displaying his Vel (Spear). 

Kubera was fussing over the accounts. This was the first time he had charged a registration fee for a divine assembly of this magnitude. On the side, meanwhile the Goddess of Learning was demurely reading something, while petting her white swan.

The powerful nexus of senior Gods were having a heated discussion on the main stage. 

I hid behind a thick granite pillar and eavesdropped on their conversation. I know that this was not right but the Gods did this to us too, right? They seemed to know what we were thinking.

“It has been such a relief for the past two months, dude” said the fiery god, with flames seeming to emanate from his body. “No clanging of bells, no changing dresses 5 times a day to impress my devotees.” 

“So, right,” said the smart looking one, holding his flute delicately in his right hand. “I find the early morning bhajans at 2.30 AM quite a test. Imagine 2.30! Even the pujari barges in with my oil bath before dawn — surely the Gods too deserve a little rest now and then? I love being praised but through a loudspeaker is a bit too much, I think. And it does feel quite awkward with the devotees watching me have a bath. I need privacy too. We need to set some ethics in place” he said feelingly. 

“Can’t find peace anywhere in their world” said the well dressed bachelor god. “I went quietly to the top of a lonely hill to be with myself and they come in hordes searching for me. I am up from 4 AM to 9 PM with just a shut eye in the afternoon.” 

“Oh! You don’t know my predicament. You get to at least sit on your haunches, I have to stand all day, listening to their pleadings” cried the zillionaire lord. “They pile up their gold necklaces and diamond rings in the Hundi and then expect instant peace in return. If only they realised that sharing a little of that with others in need might bring the very everlasting peace they’re searching for.” 

“True” said the blue-hued one, lying on his side, with his head resting on his palm. “I asked one of them who comes every Monday as to what he wanted. He comes and rings the bell 51 times, yes 51 times to get me to hear him. I could hear him the ring the bell the first time itself. So, I asked him, when his eyes were closed what he really wanted from me. He smiled when he saw me in his mind’s eye and said peace and wealth, my lord. Poor chap, he could have just stayed at home worked hard and honestly and got that. Why do they have to travel so far and then look for something they have right at home”  he sighed wearily.

“So, what do we do now? “ asked one of them to no one in general. “ Well let us leave this nano trouble creator on the earth for some more time, say some more milliseconds of our lives. The human race is arrogant and stubborn but at the same time is very creative. They will find a way out but it will keep them busy for the time being. They are like small young pups which need something to gnaw on. I feel we should quickly disperse and get a short nap before he gets back to his ill-disciplined ways. Very soon, he will come back breaking coconuts, singing hymns and ringing bells.”

I smiled at myself from behind the pillar.  I knew very well, that when the doors to the temples reopen, I too will probably be back in line, 7 coconuts in hand. Hypocrisy is a very human trait, after all.

Just then the Celestial Wanderer came in chanting - “Narayana Narayana”. 

“Just for information of all gathered here” he started in his all-knowing tone. “The most intelligent of all species that you are all talking about is already on their way to find a solution to their existing problem. However, many have started introspecting about the whole affair. They have started searching inwards. Many are wondering about our powers, some even questioning whether we have any at all. So, it is good and bad news at the same time.”

“What?” asked all Gods in unison. “Yes” continued the wanderer twanging his Tambura. “Let me give you the bad news first. Some of us may find our roles are being questioned, since humans often expect miracles we never promised to them. We better start delivering something fast. So chin up. We can expect a Celestial Budget Cut around our corner of the Universe.” There was a collective moan but he continued undeterred. “But the good news is very soon many of them are going to come in search of all of us to shower their thanks for something we have done nothing about. The problem was their creation and the solution for that also they have found themselves.” All of a sudden, the atmosphere became light and cheerful.

“Before, they get to know that I have told you about their plans, I am leaving for Vaikunta to rest a bit. Narayana Narayana.” He turned and rang the large bell hanging it the centre of the Sabha. 

Clang!!! The sound was deafening.

I jumped out of bed, just to realise that delivery boy had come to hand over the groceries we had ordered in the morning.