🎁 Wrapped in Thought: The Quiet Art of Gifting

What is a gift? 

I think my sister gave me this definition of a Gift - “It is something you would love to possess but would not like to buy.” Think about the things you bought yourselves for your birthday without anyone telling you to do it. Most probably never. Someone always nudges us. A gift has nothing to do with age, or occasion, or even who gives it. Some part of us just lights up at the idea of being gifted something, anything, that carries thought. We all love receiving gifts—period.

What makes gifts so wonderful? It is the thought, the intent, the bond, the understanding that goes behind finding the perfect “gift.” And yet, when it’s our turn to gift, we often freeze. What should we give?  Most of us would probably, after extended procrastination and confusion, just buy what we impulsively feel would be good.

But the more thought you give to the relationship and the person, the lovelier the gift. Today I was going through the list of weddings we needed to attend over the next few months and my mind digressed to what gift should we consider giving. And that led to a chain of thoughts which finally has brought us  to my writing this blog. 

Why We Give

Gifting is a quiet language of connection. The commonest reason we give is to mark milestones: birthdays and anniversaries. From the time we were kids, the greatest happiness of our approaching birthday was the expectation of some wonderful gifts from friends whom you invite for the party. As we grow older we gift to express love, care, or admiration. A chocolate for your heartthrob, a shawl for an old teacher met after years, a bottle of wine to cheer up a friend, or a gift voucher to thank someone who stood by you—each is a small act of connection. 

Sometimes, we gift out of sheer joy and most of the times, out of social obligation but the most meaningful gifts are born from genuine involvement. The giver reflects, considers and chooses. 

I have been on the receiving end of gifting all these years and I have never had even an instance when unwrapping or just receiving the gift has not sent me to Cloud Nine with happiness. And this brings me to what kinds of gifts do we give and get.

Types of Gifts 

Gifts come in many forms. They don’t always need to be bought—or even wrapped. Each one comes with a story of the person who bought it and an experience it gives to the receiver. 

Tangible Gifts - These are the classic kinds which we get to see very often - books, clothes, jewellery, art, daily use items or even food. Remember chocolates? However, as the person gifting, a lot of thought goes into it. What genre of book would they like or what type of earring would suit the person? The set of preparation and stirring utensils, a set of kitchen gloves and apron thoughtfully handed over to me by my cousins wife in the US, to be given to my wife as a gift is something which comes on top of my mind. And  I still remember when my son and daughter-in-law presented me with an Apple Watch. It was not my birthday. They had just returned from a trip abroad and had felt that I would love to wear a watch of this kind. My joy knew no bounds. I had visited enough stores, looked at many variants but always felt it was too expensive or not needed since I do not wear a watch on my wrist. But a gifted watch - it never leaves my wrist now. I even see my WhatsApp messages on that.

Experiential Gifts - These are the ones where the recipient gets an experience which they would not have planned on. A spa voucher. An outing. A surprise lunch. A curated day of doing things they love. Personally, this is the type of gift which blows my mind away and especially when there is a surprise element to it. Every time we have been to meet our daughter and son in law, there has always been a surprise trip planned - a live football match in Barcelona at Camp Nous, a ride in the gondola in Venice and …. Well I will need the rest of the blog only writing about it. Just a couple of months back I had been to the US and one of my cousins planned a one and a half day surprise itinerary for us to see in San Francisco. I did not know what all I was going to visit, till I reached the location (The ride in the WAYMO - driverless car was the top of the pick. Read about it in Memories from San Francisco). And the surprise trip to Bali which we planned for my wife Vijaya on her 60th birthday. She got to know about where she was going only when she was handed over the boarding pass at the check-in counter. Her face lit up—and in that moment, I realised: that’s what a gift should do. It should gently take your breath away.

Emotional Gifts - These are the most sensitive ones. Generally shared by people who are really close enough. A personal hand-written letter, poems written with you as the central figure, old photos with personalised comments and even a thoughtful message at the right moment changes the way gifts are seen. Most of the times, words are the most unforgettable gift of all. I have found the most happy and cheerful thank you I get is when I send a late night message to some of my friends which just says “Buddy, was suddenly reminded of you when I heard this song” or ”Hey, this is a Happy Nothing at All greeting. Was thinking of you”. A few taps on the keyboard from you and a disproportionate positive and happy response from the other side. One must try this out once in a while. Even a heartfelt message on Friendship Day (today), typed in 10 seconds, can become a warm emotional gift—reviving memories, rekindling bonds, and making someone’s day feel a little lighter. A thoughtful message at the right moment can transform how we experience connection.

Time-Based Gifts - Presence is a rare commodity today. I have learnt a lot from my children as far as this gift is concerned. I have seen them sit with our parents patiently explaining how to operate electronic items like their mobile phone or a laptop. Just taking a day off to sit at home so that they could play Scrabble with us. Offering someone your time is one of the finest gifts you could give. Just reaching a day early to be with a friend on his daughter’s wedding and asking him if you could help is a gift he would never forget. 

A friend I’d been meaning to meet for a long time came to town. I took the Metro and travelled across the city just to catch up with him. At the time, it felt like I was giving myself a gift. But the moment I saw the sheer joy on his face—the warm hug, the words “Thank you so much for coming all this way”, I realised something. Often, when we gift our time, we don’t just fill someone else’s cup, we are quietly filling our own too. And perhaps that’s the deeper truth about gifting: it’s not always about what you give, but what gets exchanged.

Skill-Based Gifts - These are gifts which can change the complexion of the day in one’s life. I have found my wife’s face light up when I say that I would cook lunch that day. One need not have great or perfect skills but offering to do something which gives another a break from the routine is a gift anyone would love. Cleaning the ceiling fans when you visit your sibling’s place, helping the elderly neighbours’ change their flat tyre or even teaching your own mother how to upload a photo which she can send to her sister is a gift they would always remember.

Symbolic or Creative Gifts - Amongst all gifts, this type stands out - head and shoulders above others. Creative gifting takes time, and effort, and lots of thinking. There is deep involvement of the person bringing the gift. One of the happiest things that happened to me was the gift I received on my 60th birthday. My children gave me a creative gift which I would treasure through my life. These were six hand-collected shells of varying colours picked patiently over days from a beach, and then embedded inside transparent resin spheres — each sphere representing a decade of my life and all this mounted on an exquisite frame. And it doesn’t end there. There was a hand-written poem on a beautiful handmade paper, composed of six paragraphs, each touching the components of one decade of my life. The details of that era were only known to my near and dear ones. Everyone had got together and picked up very personal aspects of my life and weaved them in a rhyme.  Imagine how creative the gift is. I was blown away. Without doubt, one of the most treasured gifts I’ve ever received. 

The Gifting Block: When You Just Don’t Know What to Give

It is real fun getting gifts but giving one? That’s where it gets complicated. These are times when I find myself frozen, staring at a blank screen or shop shelf full of exquisite stuff but unsure of what to gift someone. I know I care. I want to make them feel special. And yet… nothing comes to mind.

Why does this happen? I think there is a deep inner aspect to it. Probably we’re afraid of getting it wrong. What if they don’t like it? Many a time we overthink (“Will they use it?” “Will it look cheap?” “Is this too much?”). And for some, we don’t feel emotionally close enough to know what they’d like. Unfortunately, we’ve learned to tie our self-worth to the perfection of the gift. And sometimes, honestly, this choosing a gift just emotionally tires you. Giving meaningfully takes effort and on some days, that seems to be in short supply.

Receiving Is Also a Gift 

Why are some gifts hard to receive? I have seen myself, grinning awkwardly when someone hands me a gift. I have thought over it a lot. Why do I feel that way? Maybe because deep down, we wonder: “Do I deserve this?” or at times we feel the weight of returning the gesture.  Accepting a gift gracefully especially when it’s deeply personal is its own form of generosity - it is a return gift. It is equivalent of saying, “I see your intent and thoughtfulness. I receive this with all humility.”

Final Thoughts: The best gifts are never about creating an impression, it is about an expression - of love, friendship or a relationship. It is about caring.  You don’t need the perfect object to gift. You need a moment of attention, a small glimpse into what might bring the other person joy, comfort, or recognition. That’s what makes a gift unforgettable. Definitely not the price tag, but the heart behind it.

So next time you’re stuck thinking about what to gift, don’t ask “What should I buy?” Ask: What do I want them to feel when they receive? Then choose a gift that would make them feel exactly that way.