Redefining Success

What Success Really Means: A Personal Reckoning

Success. It’s a word we hear often — at work, at home, in our circles of friends. We see it in the achievements of others, and often, we measure ourselves against it. But what is success, really? A few days ago, I received a forward on WhatsApp that struck a chord deep within me. It spoke of the two different faces of success — one personal, quiet, and fulfilling, and the other loud, external, and fleeting. It resonated so much that I felt compelled to reflect on it more deeply.

Societal Success: The External Show

There’s a kind of success that I call — societal success. This is the success which most of us measure by the world’s standards. Degrees. Titles. Villas. Cars. Followers. The things that make your name louder in rooms you’re not even in. Where your LinkedIn profile brings you more connections.

This type of success is external. It’s often arbitrary, a combination of factors like timing, luck, and networks. Some talent may be involved, but mostly, it’s about positioning: being at the right place, at the right time, with the right people. And while it can be fulfilling in its own way, societal success doesn’t guarantee peace. In fact, it often leads to restlessness — the feeling that there’s always more to achieve, more to prove.

I remember the time when I failed to make the grade in the Army. I had put my heart and soul into everything that was required to be done of me (or had I?). I was devastated. On deeper introspection I realised that while I was talented and possibly deserving too, there are many things which were beyond my control. An old adage comes to my mind ‘You get what you deserve. You deserve what you get’. One has to just focus on what one can control and let go of the rest.  One may call this bitterness but it was acceptance. It took years for me to fully understand especially after retirement. 

Personal Success: The Quiet Internal Victory

Then, there’s the second kind - personal success. This is the kind you define. The kind that feels like peace, not performance. The kind that shows up in those quiet moments of life — waking up excited, building something meaningful, being loved for who you are, not who you pretend to be. It’s internal. It’s about feeling at ease with your choices and your path, even when the world isn’t clapping for you.

It’s about the joy of writing a blog that comes from the heart, the satisfaction of having done something fruitful with patience and understanding, or perhaps deciding to retire when you feel you have done enough — even if it’s risky, even if no one understands. This kind of success doesn’t have promotions or Instagram stories. But it brings a quiet freedom — and that’s enough.

The Only Success That Matters: Internal Peace and Alignment

The only kind of success that truly matters is the one that makes you feel whole when no one’s clapping. When no one’s looking. When you’re alone with your thoughts and you still feel proud of who you are, of what you have done or achieved. 

Personal success isn’t about winning the race others set for you. It’s about making choices that are in sync with what you believe is right, even when no one else agrees, and even when it doesn’t look like success from the outside.

Success is no more about external validation or titles. It’s about finding alignment — when one’s actions, values, and intentions align with each other, regardless of the noise outside. It’s a deep, inner peace that comes from doing what feels right for oneself.

The Relational Layer

A friend of mine recently shared a thought that added depth to this conversation I was having with myself: “Success, be it personal or professional, means nothing if you don’t have people close to you to celebrate it with! So give priority to the people to whom you mean a lot — parents, partner, children, siblings… everyone else is transient.” This comment struck a chord. Success is not just internal or external, it’s relational too. 

Success is about relationships — the people you love and who love you. It dawned on me that true success had never happened in isolation. It was woven into the connections we nurtured with those who truly matter to us. The people we shared our successes with — who stood beside us during our struggles and victories — are often the ones who give those victories meaning. Without them, even the grandest achievements would have felt hollow.

My Own Reflection: The Shifting Meaning of Success

As I sat back and thought about this I came to the conclusion that my definition of success has evolved. At one point, it was all about achievement — the titles, the promotions, the external validation. But with time, I’ve learnt that no matter how much I achieved, it never felt like enough especially if it wasn’t aligned with my values, my purpose, and my relationships.

Success begins with knowing what matters to you — not what the world says should matter. This could be making a difference, exploring the world, creating art, or mastering a craft or doing something which you feel like doing. The key is that it’s yours, not inherited or imposed. It’s those quiet moments of clarity when I feel at peace with my choices. It is also about Living with Integrity especially when my actions matched my values. There is a feeling of deep inner peace. I am not at war with myself. You might be poor or rich, busy or relaxed — but if you’re living truthfully, you’re already ahead.

Success, to me, is also seeing those who once worked with me grow and thrive. When my growth helped others grow — through empathy, teaching, or inspiration — success seems to have become sustainable and soulful. It has turned from personal satisfaction into something meaningful - fulfilling in a way.

Whether I’m sitting down to write, spending time with my pet, or pursuing something that speaks to my heart, alignment is the true measure of success for me.

The Lasting Truth of Success

Success is not just about where you are, but about who you are when you get there — and how you got there. True success isn’t about winning a race someone else defined for you; it’s about creating a life that reflects your values, your purpose, and your relationships. And it is important to remember that Life’s doings are not straightforward. One could be brilliant and still go unseen, just average and be celebrated. You can do everything right, and the world might not reward you. And that’s okay. There’s a Stoic edge to this too — success includes how gracefully you handle setbacks. Life won’t go your way all the time, but how you respond is your domain. Remaining steady and learning through adversity is a mark of real success.

Success is not a scoreboard. Most think success is a destination. It is not. It’s a path of progress.  It’s waking up in the morning knowing what you’re doing matters to you, and going to bed feeling that you’ve lived intentionally — not necessarily perfectly, but purposefully.

I am more and more convinced that my own idea of success has changed over the years - from something which got validated externally to something which only I needed to define. Yes, it may also sound like kind of preachy. Someone could even say “You can say that because now you are past 60 and retired but why did you not think about it when you were 30?” I would fully and gracefully agree that I was wrong then. I was not mature enough to understand this then. If someone could find value in what I am saying now, it would be wonderful isn’t it? They may not need to go through the disappointments, the heartburns and stress that I went through chasing the wrong kind of success.

The kind of success I’m seeking now is the kind that feels right in my deep inside me. The kind that’s congruent - a word I once knew from geometry, but now understand with heart, with who I truly am. It’s a success that doesn’t require applause or recognition especially when life grows quieter, but instead, brings me peace. And in that peace, I find the courage to continue walking, even when no one is watching.

If you’re wiser, kinder, stronger, or more self-aware than you were yesterday, that’s success. 

Choose your success carefully — because when you align your actions with your true self, you realize that you’ve been successful all along.

So, what kind of success are you truly chasing — and is it your own?