Lately, I’ve felt overwhelmed—constant travel, career counseling calls, personal commitments piling up, and my urge to write. Ironically, retirement feels busier than my corporate days. In my search for clarity, a YouTube video put things in perspective—yet another Yes I had unconsciously given.
Time is our most finite resource, yet, as Seneca noted, we guard money but give away time as if it were limitless. The ability to say No protects our focus and peace, but it isn’t without cost. Every No shapes our relationships and opportunities, just as a well-placed Yes can be an act of conscious mastery—when chosen, not compelled.
This balance between No and Yes suddenly reminded me of an old military legal principle: the Act of Commission and the Act of Omission.
The Acts of Commission & Omission – Understanding the Real Choice
Has it ever happened that you have stayed silent when a friend had asked for a favor you don’t want to do, hoping they won’t follow up. It may have also happened that one has failed to engage with family or delayed an important decision by NOT saying Yes — these are not active NOs, but they can be just as impactful.
Every choice we make—or avoid making—shapes the course of our lives. The Act of Commission is the conscious decision to engage, to take responsibility, whether by firmly saying No to a distraction or embracing a meaningful Yes. It is an act of deliberate intent, where one acknowledges the consequences and takes ownership of the choice. In contrast, the Act of Omission is not simply the absence of action but a conscious non-action—the choice to stay silent, to defer, or to avoid, often to escape discomfort or confrontation. It is when we don’t say Yes, perhaps out of fear of commitment, or when we don’t say No, hoping a difficult situation resolves itself.
A passive failure to act often stems from neglect, hesitation, or avoidance—we let decisions slip by, hoping circumstances will resolve themselves. It is the silence when a friend asks for help, the unspoken hesitation when a child seeks attention, or the email left unanswered because it feels uncomfortable. In contrast, a conscious decision not to say Yes is an intentional choice, made with awareness of its consequences. It is recognizing that saying Yes would compromise our priorities or well-being and, therefore, choosing to withhold agreement, not out of fear, but out of wisdom. The key difference lies in ownership—are we merely drifting, or are we deliberately steering our course?
True wisdom lies not in rigid rules but in discernment.
I tried exploring these perspectives and their impact on our daily lives.
1. The Power of No – Guarding Your Time, Focus, and Inner Peace
Saying No is an essential skill. It protects us against distractions, obligations that drain energy, and commitments that do not align with one's core values. True freedom comes not from unlimited choices but from mastering our desires and commitments. We need to master the ability to say No in order to preserve your time for pursuits of true importance. Saying “No” is not an act of deprivation—it is an assertion of control. When we decline an unnecessary meeting or an unfulfilling obligation, we are not simply avoiding discomfort; we are safeguarding our ability to invest in pursuits that we truly value. Imagine “Yes” to be like a debt and “No” to be a credit. When we say “Yes,” we are forced to oblige our future self, often without fully appreciating the consequences. Saying “No,” on the other hand, preserves our flexibility—it keeps doors open and ensures that when we do commit, we do so with intention.
"If you seek tranquillity, do less. Or (more accurately) do what’s essential... Because most of what we say and do is not essential." — Marcus Aurelius
How does a well-placed No help us?
- It prevents overcommitment – Every Yes to something unnecessary is a No to something important.
- Protects energy and mental clarity – Constantly saying Yes creates decision fatigue and stress.
- Maintains focus on long-term priorities – True mastery comes from focusing on what truly matters, not reacting to every request.
When used wisely, No can be a powerful tool for self-discipline and boundary-setting. While mastering the art of saying No is essential for protecting our time and energy, it is not without consequences. Every No, even when necessary, carries weight—especially in our relationships. What happens when the No meant to guard our priorities creates distance from the people who matter most?
2. The Hidden Cost of No – The Emotional Toll on Loved Ones
However, No is not free. It has hidden costs, particularly in personal relationships. A No to a spouse, child, or close friend might safeguard time, but it can also create distance. If overused, it risks emotional withdrawal from those who matter most.
Think of these situations:
- A child seeking time with a parent – A busy professional may say No to playing, thinking it's a small refusal, but repeated over time, it builds a silent wall with the child which sometimes is carried over for years.
- A spouse requesting help – A well-meaning No to minor requests can accumulate into a pattern of disengagement and lead to unnecessary acrimony.
- Friends and community – Saying No too often can signal disinterest, pushing people away, even when unintended.
This is where the Act of Omission becomes important. Not saying Yes is not the same as deliberately saying No, but the effect can be just as profound. A lack of action—a forgotten call, a missed opportunity to help—can lead to regrets just as much as a wrongly placed No.
3. Yes as Self-Mastery – Saying Yes as a Choice, Not a Compulsion
Yes is often seen as the opposite of control, a surrender of time and energy to external demands. But what if Yes, when chosen deliberately, is actually an act of mastery? How would choosing a Yes make a difference in our lives:
- Embracing opportunities – Life-changing moments often come from saying Yes when it feels uncertain or uncomfortable.
- Deepening relationships – Saying Yes to small acts of connection strengthens bonds over time.
- Practicing self-discipline – The hardest Yes is sometimes the one that aligns with long-term growth (exercising, learning, showing up when it's inconvenient).
Saying Yes has probably been my default setting, often leaving me rushed and out of time. But I’ve realized that a conscious, decisive Yes has shaped my life in ways I truly cherish. Whether it was transitioning from the Army to civilian life to embrace new opportunities for growth, making an active choice to invest in someone’s future through career counseling, or pausing a Netflix movie to have a deep conversation with a loved one—each of these Yeses created irreplaceable moments. Even saying Yes to marathons and ultramarathons when my frightened soul whispered No has built my resilience. And this commitment to writing blogs? It started with an internal Yes to myself—helping me refine my thoughts, connect with others, and gain clarity on my own philosophies.
A deliberate Yes is as powerful as a well-placed No. The key is intention.
4. The Hidden Cost of Yes – The Silent Sacrifice of Self
Saying “yes” often feels rewarding—an opportunity accepted, an invitation honored, a task completed. But every “yes” is also a silent “no” to everything else that could occupy that time. Each commitment extracts a hidden cost, and more often than not, it is paid by our closest relationships, our health, or our personal growth.
Agreeing to something—whether it’s a meeting, attending a party, or hosting someone—doesn’t just take up a set block of time; it dictates the rhythm of our entire day. A single “yes” can shift our focus, pull us away from what truly matters, and create obligations that ripple far beyond the moment of decision.
The Art of Saying No and Yes More Wisely - Taking Control of your Time
“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” – Marcus Aurelius
I found the answer to my being overwhelmed at last!!! Every Yes I give was a No to something else. If we treated each hour as irreplaceable currency, would we still spend it on obligations that drain us or distractions that pull us away from what truly matters? The key is not to say No to everything but to choose more wisely—aligning our decisions with our values, priorities, and long-term purpose. A well-placed No safeguards our time and energy, while a conscious Yes ensures that what we commit to, is truly worth it. Before making a decision, pause and anticipate the trade-offs. Ask yourself: Does this align with what I genuinely value? Recognize that No is a complete sentence; you don’t owe an elaborate justification. A simple “I’m unable to take this on” is enough. And most importantly, understand that saying No today often opens space for a more meaningful Yes tomorrow. By learning when to engage and when to step back, we reclaim control over our time—not out of avoidance, but out of wisdom.
Final Thought: Own Your Time – Leaving the Choice to You
No is a shield. Yes is an invitation. Both are necessary, but both have costs. Every day, we are given a finite number of hours. Will we spend them deliberately, or will we let others dictate how they unfold? A life well-lived balances them carefully, recognizing that time is not just about productivity but also about meaning. By guarding our time as fiercely as we do our wealth, we honor the life we have and ensure that when we do say “yes,” it is a choice made with purpose and clarity.
The answer is yours to define.
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